ALRIGHT, JUST WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?

Day in the life of a Line guy at *insert company name here as not to be sued*

5:00 am: Crawl from bed, half awake, wondering what that damn noise is and why the sun isn't illuminating the world as its contracted to do. Contemplate calling in (even though no one is on station to pick up the phone) and blowing off the day to fly the coast line of Florida, pay extortion like prices for bad breakfast and lunch later but enjoy every second of it.

5:15 am: Slam the alarm clock again and repeat the above steps. Add to list critical decision point: Price of AVGAS vs. current bank account. Grit teeth, head to shower, go to work.

6:00 am: Meet disgruntled flight crew at front door, stranded from the night before. Demanding as much coffee as you also need in order to function. Weigh options of vacating again in exchange for day of flying.

6:20 am: Fellow gas monkey arrives 20 minutes late, believes nothing is wrong with this. Sump storage tanks, note 2 or more gallons of water in Jet Fuel tank 3 from thunderstorm the night before. Think nothing of this as Jet Engines are known to run on crude oil if heated properly. Decide to not tell the flight crew from earlier this fact. Continue sumping, lawsuits are not fun, nor is being bought and sold for cigarettes and the local penitentiary.

6:30 am: Complete sumps, begin paperwork

8:00 am: Complete paperwork, file paperwork, loose paperwork, hand deliver paperwork to abandoned file cabinet, backlogged 1964. Suggest a new filing system to fellow gas monkey. Abandon idea as realization that more paperwork would be involved in order to start a new system...only to be more confusing than the last. Question ethics of current management and consider implications of accusing *insert company name here* of harsh work environment. Reason: One and a half hours wasted on paperwork, cruelty.

9:00 am (Weekends) Begin the mass Gen Aviation landings for the local restaurant. Spend the next few hours on the ramp, marshalling, fueling, remarshing, ducking, refueling, running, hiding, praying that the "international" flight student doesn't kill you with his Cessna 150 via his taxi skills (or lack there of), fueling, swearing at the aviation gods, contemplate RAMP CLOSED sign at the Taxi entrance, neglect to tell tower of this plan, giggle at the ensuing pile up/confusion. Instruct next three arrivals on which airport has the REALLY cheap gas, prominently display wrong name on work shirt that you stole from another fuel monkey earlier in the week. Return to line office, hide in small corner, study for IFR written.

11:00 am: See above, only in reverse for breakfast club departures. Prepare for inbound lunch fliers looking for the $100 burger. Remind yourself that as a pilot, you could be doing the same thing, only at another airport. Graciously accept the one dollar tip from the pilot who almost killed you and the entire FBO weekend crew by fast taxing himself inches from the fuel truck "to make it easier on you guys when you top off my bird." Question the current FAA training standards. Blow tip on Rolaids from vending machine.

12:00 pm: Check schedule in-between arrivals to note who to call at end of shift for being late. (Plan on it happening) Note the unexplained change that has you working a double on Sunday. Also note lack of managers to justify this small detail. Cancel afternoon flight plans. Swear again at Aviation Gods.

12:00 pm: Receive phone call from slacker line monkey (ironically the one from which the afore mentioned shirt was stolen) informing you that he's not coming in and that you're now a solo act till 10pm. Demand head on platter, contents of wallet, first born and keys to his car. Make mental note to run him down with lawn mower barrowed from airport maintenance. Reluctantly call in back up monkey, prepare to endure tales of other *insert FBO name here* adventures where life was better, only dealt with jet aircraft, high fashion models and *baking soda* shipments. Question ethics of management again, question character of back up monkey.

1:00 pm Remember that the rest of the day will be low and slow, slack off on the computer, surf Sporty's pilot shop online, cruise eBay looking for Citizen aviation watch, also look for anti aircraft cannon for ultra light/cirrus defense. (F&#KING cirrus pilots....) Laugh at "international" flight students attempt at radio work, hide in line office to avoid being run over by 150 that's better placed in local airport bone yard.

Remember, YOU'RE a pilot first, a line guy second and despite your education; you've no problem living off Ramen noodles if you get to fly the rest of your life.

...Chicken and beef are the best flavors.

Contact local avionics shops and offer to fly for food/hours, no matter how questionable the airframe is.